Set the handbrake, get out and tell her what time it is? How comes she, the notorious alcohol addict of the block, is still driving after that many DUI ?
Slap her in the face? Throw my ashtray in her transportation? She's driving me nuts. Shift in reverse and park over her hood?
There she goes, overtaking with full horn. Go stupid creature, run far past hell... I'm not revving my engine for you, you don't deserve such honors.
Hate my bra strap as I feel it might just slide down the shoulder. No it won't, I should know. It'll keep just desperately at the edge. Why did I have to pick that specific minimizer and it's evil irritating straps? Would have been so much more secure in a firm support body-gidle...
Stop for one more coffee? How many of them already this morning? Five ? Seven ? Just one ? Make that three I guess.
Nervously scratching my head as I hit the highway, why the hell do I have to go there? I'd better be in my office, warm, cozy, comfy. Contractor's blues, bring home the bacon as they say.
Promise, once back, I'll shut down all phones and watch something funny on YouTube. Damn day.
All united to ruin it. Deep down there even my tampon seems to have a life of it's own.
Whaaaat ? My what ? Tampon ? Huh ?
Yes Sisters. Precisely. My tampon. Quite a story.
It all started back then, pre-interweb times in the kitchen of an yuppie cross-dresser. Namely me.
Life was beautiful. I had lost my virginity to a timid young trader. Who proved to be far less timid once he had his hands on my rustling petti.
Underwear his wife would never consider. Yep. Something attracted me to write back to his adult classified ad. Looking for lady in petticoats. How much lady? Whatever it takes to wear petties.
Sure I was more than happy to oblige. Guess his wife will never envision what she missed.
What's on the list this Saturday morning? Take my new shiny transportation with that many horsepower and cylinders for a spin? Hit the autobahn and go shopping far, far away? Look for new tech gadgets?
Nah. My kitchen was the place to be despite the joyful sun outside. Cold? How come I feel like cold?
My brain running circles. Get out of my bathrobe, dress like a whore and... Nah. Is it worth the trouble?
A cigarette. Disaster. No more chocolate cookies. Coffee without chocolate chip cookies? How odd. No cookies for my coffee.
Better lay on the sofa and watch TV. Cookies or not, I'm not going out today. Will call a pizza or chinese ? Maybe both?
What the hell, prosciutto pizza and spring rolls just don't mix. Or do they ?
Sudden hunger. Eerie cooking smells wander out of nowhere. Pizza with chocolate?
Ashtray filling at alarming speed. Nah, no TV. The remote is irritatingly far away. I need something.
A quick trip to the bedroom for an equally quick relief? No, I'd better first take care of the bathroom.
Hey, wait, I cleaned it yesterday evening.
All was scheduled to avoid cleaning chores on weekend days. Weekends are made to enjoy. And somehow, somewhere quite a few things prevent me from enjoying this one.
What drives me so nuts, why the hell can't I love this otherwise beautiful morning? Money troubles? No, I have of those. All paperwork is done too, bills are paid. I'm just out of chocolate cookies and the remote control of my TV is a few meters too far away.
However something's wrong. It's like I want to yell, punch the monster who ate my cookies and the other one who placed the remote criminally far away.
Definitely wrong. I had plans to pick my new transportation, warm it's engine and zip to the next town in quest for the ultimate gadget to add to my design stereo system. And it's suddenly that much unfeasible, that far away, like too much work for nothing.
Irritating silence. If I fetch that remote control, I'll throw it against the wall, Will teach it a good lesson.
Wait about. That's a total nonsense. I should get-up, dress something feminine under my men's clothes and enjoy my weekend. However it just can't happen. Why the hell, what's so freaking wrong, been drugged or ?
Let's be reasonable. It's a beautiful day and I must enjoy it. Sounds like a plan.
“How are we doing today sweetheart ?”
Bingo. My Fairy just went on air.
“Not good at all Fairy dear, can't you see it instead of asking questions of sorts ?”
“Surprise Honey, it's just working and you feel the effects. Nice !”
Cookies or not I need a coffee.
“And pardon my ignorance Fairy dear what's so nice and working ?”
Damned coffee machine. Should have bought a simpler one. Why that many buttons to choose when I use only one ?
“Calm down girl, my will performs so nicely on you ! Stunning indeed.”
“Could you please care to explain? Feel that dumb right now.”
“I sure will ! Make yourself comfortable my child.”
“I'm your child now ?”
“Aw, don't take it down to the letter. It's just to emphasize the importance of what I have to say honey.”
Sitting down ? Check. Coffee made? Check. Cigarette light ? Check. Cookies ? No go.
“I'm mostly set as required, set and curious, damn curious indeed.”
“Congratulations honey, you are just more of a woman now !”
Oh yes, I so much want to be sarcastic and, take my words, I just have the feeling that I will. Ready to savor my victory.
“Which means turning stupid, more stupid every passing minute like I'm now? Who would have taught...”
“I told you it's working sweetheart. Congratulations, you're about to discover the secretive world of periods.”
Coffee through the nose and all over the table.
Fairy had me already used to eerie revelations and talks of all sorts. Meanwhile what followed was a breed of it's own, chilling down the deepest bones.
Periods, Irritability, jumps of mood. Never mind if I don't physically have what it takes, I'll have to endure the consequences every now and then. Learn the meaning of heavy sensitive breasts even if my chest region is hopelessly depleted.
Overcome aching laziness and body discomfort. Learn to avoid arguments that can potentially spin out of control. Cope with the cold even in summer.
Force myself to stick to the plan or get lost in worthless wasted days. Find enough energy to deal with it all and with a smile.
Most alarming of all, embrace the ritual of zero tolerance hygiene, wet wipes, tampons, Vaseline, sanitary napkins.
Vaseline. Yep you read it right. A smear of Vaseline all over the tampon right prior use. Not too much or it will turn soft and unfit for insertion. Deep insertion.
Genetic women mostly do not require lubricant when using a tampon. A Sissy is another story.
Thank you for the tip Fairy Dear. A great contribution to make the process comfortable and, above all, a risk free practice.
So here I am. Trying to cope at best with the fool mood that will persist a few more days.
Awaiting the revival, the upcoming of the urge to devour life. It's in the pipeline as it has been always in the past.
A longstanding experience I am privileged to live trough every now and then.
I might have missed quite a lot of opportunities in my life. Granted. But my Fairy didn't let it happen on this one.
Am I proud to be a Sissy ? Yes. Big time indeed.
Thank you Fairy, I love you, I love my sisters, I love you all !
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