Coming-out to partners, how to tell about your cross-dressing and more.

The most difficult chapter in cross-dressing history. Ever.

Telling your partner. Is there a magic recipe for success ?

No. Hell no. Said words are a primed wick. Will it blow-up the house or trigger admirable fireworks ? It all depends on what's at the other end of the wick.

Cardinal rule is that genetic women are not favorably conditioned to cross-dressers (here).

Is all hope lost ? Once again, no, hell no.

Coming out to your partner is very similar to a commando operation. Preparation is cardinal.

Assessing the situation

• Is this a long or just starting relation ?
• Are there kids involved ?
• Can you live with the consequences of a very unfavorable divorce settlement or judgement ?
• Can you handle being exposed to friends / colleagues ?
• What is your financial situation ?
• Is your partner religious devote ?
• What is your partner intellectual level ?
• Your psychological condition, are you undergoing a depression phase ?
• Does your partner appreciate glamour, all things femme, what is her lingerie level of appreciation ?
• Is your sexual life satisfactory for both ?
• What alternatives do you have to cross-dress without informing your partner ?
• What is your level of complicity in day to day life ?

As you might have noticed, there's nothing related to love in that list. Love is very unstable and blinding. Love can change in a matter of seconds. "I don't love him anymore !" is very often heard by counselors and lawyers.

A starting relation is the most favorable option. Tell it all since the beginning. Alright, not on the very first date, but don't wait until it's too late.

The only tangible risk is that you might get unwantedly exposed, like "I was dating XXX, turns out the freak likes to wear my dresses."

Kids still at home are a very unfavorable circumstance for coming-out to your partner. Think twice unless you can afford a big mansion with the possibility to fully isolate yourself, or other alike arrangements.

Understanding spouses are few and far apart. Most of them will freak out at the raw announcement. Genuinely. Expect shouting, crying, silent drama.

Prepare to work with a family counselor.

Experience shows that female head-shrinks achieve better results.

They would attempt to soothe most of the fears of spouses / partners, namely:

• This is not a new fad, result of some brutal mental and emotional commotion
• Of course he's not the only one, there are millions, some statistics even say 1 out of 10 but since they rarely come forwards we never know. You're lucky he's been frank and open
• Cross-dressing can "strike" anyone at any age, childhood in most cases
• Cross-dressers are not crazy, maniacs or assimilated
• No, he didn't stop loving you, to the opposite, coming-out is a major proof of deep love and concern
• No, since this is not an illness, there's no way to cure him
• Yes he can stop cross-dressing. That is in front of your or to your knowledge. He will only seek and find alternate opportunities out of your reach
• No, he's not becoming gay. Cross-dressing and sexual preferences are not correlated
• No, that's not cheating, he wants to introduce you to his female side and not run away with her
• He waited all those years because he was apprehensive that things won't be smooth, now he feels that your union has evolved to the point where you can handle it in a constructive way
• No, setting rules on when and how much he can cross-dress won't help. He came to you totally and openly and that's what he expects in return
• He will not necessarily want to "go out en femme" or expose your family, most cross-dressers are homely "closet" creatures
• Yes, he would be glad to come out with your approval, participation and long lasting help, understanding and mutual trust are the keywords
• Having your husband and newly found best-friend all in one is actually a marvelous opportunity
• Once allowed to express his femininity, you'll get about 60% more understanding, complicity, tenderness. It's all in him, waiting for the permission to spring to life
• By accepting to discover the "her" in "him" you hugely increase the chances for a happy, stable and fulfilling relationship
• What will become of your sexual life ? Good news. Free from the burden of his worries, sky's the limit
• You are not at gun-point but refusing his sincerity will, in time, open serious breaches in your relationship on both sides
• No we don't know, science has no objective clues on what causes cross-dressing

Most probably you can handle that roadmap all by yourself. It even sounds tempting.

However mind that your partner will have heavy time with herself.

You'll be talking to a wall, the syndrome of "the criminal pleading his own innocence".

Your partner needs information from an external "expert authority". A good family counselor will do that, a greedy one will schedule an endless and pointless series of therapy sessions.

After all, you're the customer. Book an appointment, explain the situation ask for the roadmap he/she plans to follow with your couple. Then, altogether with your Fairy and her feminine intuition, decide if this is the right counselor to handle your case.

Choose the right moment

Professionally trained snipers can hold their targets in sight for hours, days, waiting for the right moment. Same here.

Engaging in skirmishes is not the right thing to do.

You'll be presenting quite a surprise to your partner. Cardinal rule, don't count on alcohol or substances to prepare the terrain.

Once sober your partner will be twice as aggressive for being abused while not in full consciousness. Expect a heavier than taught hangover and complex aftermaths.

In general you will wait for a moment when your partner is in full possession of her mind. Pre-menstrual hormone wilderness might even gratify you with a black eye... Just saying,

Foremost question, can you win ?

You have been gifted with feminine intuition. Ask your Fairy for advice, listen carefully to your inner voice. If she says "NO", file your plans for later use. Defeat is not an option in a carefully prepared coming-out. Survive today, fight tomorrow.

Romantic holidays away from hassles, sizeable professional success, exalting shopping trip, situations your feminine side judges as positive and mind-soothing.

You certainly won't do that on a cold rainy evening after hassling work day when your partner's feet hurt from being all day in heels.

Your partner must feel safe comfortable about the future and mentally available for the topic.

An often asked question is if coming-out is fit for public locations, such as a romantic dinner in a cozy restaurant.

This very intimate topic will trigger a variety of reactions and certainly a deep discussion.

None of you would feel comfortable to talk it over in circumstances where others could eavesdrop your words.

Surprisingly, if you are at the wheel, cars used for a relaxed return trip after a very positive event work wonders in calm easy cruising traffic.

Prepare the terrain

A long haul mission. Your partner is not your enemy. At least not yet.

The mission is to turn her into your supportive friend. Diplomacy sure matters.

Long relationships will require more time.

• Listen to her. Cardinal importance for cementing your relationship
• Terminate her loneliness. Be present, supportive, helpful
• Watch for even minor changes and compliment for a new broche, hairdo, makeup, dress, shoes, fragrance
• Get into fragrances. Many non cross-dressing men use feminine fragrances, just saying
• Help the household. Cardinal rule, suffers no exception
• Be present at her shopping, Express your advice on this ant that. If you genuinely hate that dress, speak up. If you love it, no hesitation, say so, rush to the cashier and conclude the deal while she's still evaluating the price / seduction ratio
• "Honey you look wonderful, what's the material of your new skirt, can I feel it ?" Girl talk. Does wonders
• Organize nice surprises. Women will instinctively try to look at their best when taken out and cared of
• "Oh my, those shoes are made for you, your legs are awesome, is that a new hosiery brand you have on ?" Yes, exactly, girl talks. After all, that's what you are longing for
• Know her size. Mail order her a surprise, something she could really wear on the corresponding surprise evening out. "You would be classy and irresistible in that, we're going out for the occasion I already reserved a table."
• Grooming. Diet. Shape. Progressive hair control. All hair !
• "How was your day honey, tell me more !"
• "I want to make love to you, I'll help you out with the dishes so we can get more bed-time."
• Motherly instinct. Ask her for advice on what to wear, colors, make her part of your daily fashion

Observe the effect. It might take long months...

There will be hits and misses, listen to her, see where the wind blows.

You'll have to answer questions. She'll be genuinely puzzled on what's going on. Be reassuring and supportive.

"Darling I just happen to like it, makes me feel good to be closer to you..."

The case of a new relationship is somewhat easier. Just behave accordingly ever since the first contact. You are different. You are amongst the happy few ones chosen by Fairies. Let it show.

The moment of truth

Failure is not an option in this genuinely make or break deal. However...

Evaluate your position and the progress of your union. Estimate one last time your success potential.

Use your feminine intuition, inner voice advice, have a talk with your Fairy.

At the slightest doubt postpone and assess the situation. What's going right, what are you doing wrong ?

"Darling I have an important awesome secret to share with you, can I ?"

Last tank station before the highway. Observe her reaction.

Be prepared in the case of a long established union, to de-escalate with "I love you more and more each passing day !"

In a fresh relation go straight forward, breaking now is easier than it would be in 20 years...

Call your Fairy for help, you'll need it !

Speak up slowly, remain cool and gentle, answer questions, ask for advice.

Use your feminine intuition at full throttle.

Don't shut "BINGO" if she's favorable. You're a long way ahead of fulfilling emancipation. All is to be built, remember, this is the starting point. Do not rush events.

Something has gone horribly wrong, she refuses....

Pull-out the family counselor option. Might soothe her for now, morning is wiser as they say.

Screaming, throwing dishes, moving to her mother ? Yes. It's a risk no matter how appropriate the moment and all the efforts you invested while preparing for the big day.

Face it as a man.

"Ouch, now really hurt me..."

Psychologically this happens to be the most strategic of all possible things to say in an argument with your partner. It's supposed to trigger protective motherly instincts and let her understand how genuine your pain is.

Ratio temporis, she might reconsider whatever she said during an emotionally heavy argument. Give her a chance. Don't bring back the discussion, she'll come to the point after a while. An appreciable second start for discussion, explanations, Q&A sessions. Be prepared.

All has failed ? She's calling for a divorce ?

As sad as it gets but probably not sadder than living your entire life in a prison.

Half of the marriages end in divorce after all. How many f those failures are imputed to failed cross-dressing come-outs ? We'll never know.

Freedom is not a granted commodity.

Good luck Sisters, I wish you all the best, from the bottom of my heart !