Pushed me back...
"What are you about ? Holding me or investigating the kind of bra I wear ? To tell the other boys and fuss on me ? Like you know what Elvira has under ? Look then, I might as well show you for real !"
Yes, she exhibited all the signs of deep irritation as her hands worked the upper button of her blouse...
All of a sudden I felt a softness, a sweet voice in my ears, yes, we were not alone. My Fairy, my beloved Fairy had joined the party.
"Elvira dear, please, please don't take me wrong, I never had such intentions. Happens that..."
She froze. "Happens what ?"
"Give me your hand Elvira. Let me just hold your hand. And tell you more about me. "
Two kids sitting by the river on a warm Saturday afternoon were about to have a very serious conversation.
Elvira (not her real name but close enough) was a long time school class-mate. And accessorily the target of all body shaming creativity kids are capable of.
Meatball being probably the most socially acceptable amongst many nicknames she was burdened with.
She seemed to ignore all about and, instead of seeking company, spent most of her free time in the library, a random empty classroom or just anywhere quietly busy with her lessons and home-works.
I was progressively loosing my interest in soccer and other ball games, hanging around with the bunch of boys was not really my cup of tea.
Logically we sort of socialized in our quest for shelters from the school turmoil.
As consequence my grades drastically improved while jokes about "stuffing the meatball' became a common laughstock for the crowd as classmates witnessed our complicity.
Elvira literally metamorphosed in the laps of a summer holiday. Her appearance could have stopped traffic when she showed up for school as a young sun-tanned BBW.
Exit the small round glasses, undefined hairstyle, baggy shirts. Elvira had enough arguments to show and she sure did.
That's how life found us, two lonely kids growing up in the same schoolyard. Except that Elvira was now a beautiful young woman.
Ice cream parlors, coffee terraces, movies. Holding hands in the dark. Then more obviously in the park by the river. Talking, laughing, a romance was born.
Time seemed at a standstill. Yes, I told her all. About the pink light, soft voice and the impact they had on my life. The reason why boy things were fading out of focus. The deepest secret of my loneliness.
Panic. What if she decided to publicize my deepest secret ? What options do I have now that the genie is out of the bottle ? What if...
Elvira attempted to crush my ribs in the tightest embrace that could be. Yes. She was holding me with all of her might. It felt so good...
Time resumed it's course as she laid her head on my shoulder.
Silence. Deceptive long minutes. Her voice came softer than ever before.
"I'm so sorry, genuinely sorry. For a moment I taught you were playing games with me but now I realized the jewel you are as you opened your soul so deep. Hold me tight I feel so secure when we hug."
"Aren't you disgusted ? Don't you feel a repulsion for a boy who's turning secretly into a girl ?"
"How could I be even worried ? Whatever you are is irrelevant to how much you trust me."
"I mean, a boy, you know, kind of cursed by a Fairy and...?"
"Fairies are real, I was just blessed to love the most heartwarming boyfriend I could ever dream of !"
"Elvira you know, I ... "
"Shush, I love you too, add no more, or I'll cry again. Your heart spoke all that could be said..."
Life suddenly changed.
I had a girlfriend, a soft sweet girlfriend. School felt good as we somehow managed to keep our newly found harmony out of sight. Together. Any moment, any glance was a new level of heaven.
Back then kids turning teens had much less freedom than today. However under the cover of revising for exams we extended our learning curves pretty far.
Nevertheless our often dreamed wedding dresses party never happened.
Things turned sour as university gates came well in sight. Elvira, my beautiful soft and sweet Elvira felt different.
Weren't we supposed to live together ? Well not exactly, at least not now even if it'll be a far more affordable option for our parents. Our parents. Yes, exactly, our parents had sympathized too.
We, the kids, were seen as a happy future prolific family. What more to ask ? Well....
"Yes I love you too and you're the most wonderful person on earth. However a woman has more than dress-up games on the stake. "
"That's no games sugar, it's the way I am under a spell !"
"Precisely, and, whatever it really is, it's, it's just doo deep and even if you could choose, between your fairy and me, even if she'll let you go, I'm not sure you'll be really free. "
"So what's the plan ?"
"Better call it quits now, it hurts already so bad, I mean, I have a heart and you're engraved inside. I'll never forget you but we have to part. Better do it now, later it'll hurt even more."
What happened after is to this day a mystery. No matter how much I ask, beg to know, my Fairy remains silent on the topic.
I sort of woke-up, resumed existence in the park by the river, roughly on the same spot where, years before, I've met love.
The river. What if I jump into it now and call it quits ?
"What's on, what's the deal, what am I to do ?"
Silence...
"Someone, anyone, please help, I'm down, please help..."
"Take it easy all will be fine !"
"Fairy, what, how could you let this happen, I'm really hurt without Elvira, how, what, no matter, help me, help us back !"
"Calm my girl, breathe deep, it'll fade away. Let your tears relief your mind."
"Fade away, you mean just like that breathe deeply, cry and forget all about my love ? Are you retarded ? Or whoever you are, if you exist, get us back... I'll rather kill myself or anything,"
"No you won't. You've learned so much and the final lesson is that love can be devastating. From this day on you can only love but never fall in love again."
"And I'm supposed to be happy ?"
"Maybe not now sweetheart, one day will unfortunately come and you'll be grateful for this newly acquired skill. It only takes one heartache to cure them all."
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